My heart hurts. I cried (and am crying) today because I miss her so much. She’s growing up without me. And I ache.
Just a few pictures of my precious girl:
daily life, statesOctober 26, 2007 11:07 pm
Today was the premiere of "Dan In Real Life" staring Steve Carell, Juliette Binoche and Dane Cook. It was absolutely brilliant. I laughed. I cried. And so did everyone else in the audience. It was heartwarming (and in some cases heart wrenching) and even though it’s rated PG-13, it’s pretty clean. Just go see it.
daily life, statesOctober 24, 2007 12:27 pm
I realized something today as I was driving back home from school: I see myself as invincible. Not like Superman (who I think is the lamest superhero ever), but it’s more that I feel nothing really bad has happened to me. I’ve been so cautious most of my life that I’ve avoided what I consider to be really horrible mistakes. Even in school when I procrastinate until the very end I get everything done on time and get really good grades. Though I love to speed when driving I’ve never gotten a moving violation (I have gotten 3 parking tickets but those don’t count on your record). Things seem to fall into my lap and I don’t feel like I’ve really had to fight for anything.
Having said all that, I’m trying not to take these blessings for granted. I realize how easy my life has been, that all of it is from God and that I shouldn’t abuse this grace He gives me. I don’t want to live my life believing that nothing really bad will ever happen to me, I know it doesn’t work like that. I want to be thankful for every accident I avoid and every heartache that passes me over. And when trouble comes I don’t want to hide from it or try to deny it. I want to face it knowing that the same God who has blessed me a million times over is standing right next to me, facing it with me. And He truly is invincible.
inspirationsOctober 22, 2007 10:16 pm
There’s something comforting,
beautiful
about lying under the covers
nothing between you and the darkness
lights extinguished inside and out
air and moonlight rushing in
everything hushed
stillness is the rule
captivated by the night
you have no choice but to follow it
Light snaps on and you’re back
plain, old reality
statesOctober 20, 2007 8:55 pm
A sentence starts out like a lone traveler
heading into a blizzard at midnight,
titling into the wind, one arm shielding his face,
the tails of his thin coat flapping behind him.
There are easier ways of making sense,
the connoisseurship of gesture, for example.
You hold a girl’s face in your hands like a vase.
You lift a gun from the glove compartment
and toss it out the window into the desert heat.
These cool moments are blazing with silence.
The full moon makes sense. When a cloud crosses it
it becomes as eloquent as a bicycle leaning
outside a drugstore or a dog who sleeps all afternoon
in a corner of the couch.
Bare branches in winter are a form of writing.
The unclothed body is autobiography.
Every lake is a vowel, every island a noun.
But the traveler persists in his misery,
struggling all night through the deepening snow,
leaving a faint alphabet of bootprints
on the white hills and the white floors of valleys,
a message for field mice and passing crows.
At dawn he will spot the vine of smoke
rising from your chimney, and when he stands
before you shivering, draped in sparkling frost,
a smile will appear in the beard of icicles,
and the man will express a complete thought.
This poem is my absolute favorite by Billy Collins (Sailing Alone Around the Room. New York: Random House, 2001). I wrote my first English 110 paper on it and actually had a lot of fun picking it apart.
inspirationsOctober 17, 2007 1:09 pm
They roll in and out of our lives, sometimes leaving behind distruction that takes much time to heal. Some are quick, they discharge a few bursts of energy and are gone. Others take their time, rolling in, building power and then releasing it in slow motion. Some involve rainbows and even if the present is difficult, there’s a promise of better days that’s easy to see. But maybe there is nothing but dark, ominous clouds in every direction and it’s hard to see an end to all the sorrow and pain. On those days you want nothing more than to stay inside where it’s warm and dry, to take sanctuary from the wind and rain. Perhaps you can avoid the storm for a moment but eventually you have to confront it. Just remember that while it’s difficult now, the forecast won’t always be so dismal. Sunny skies will come again.
daily life, statesOctober 4, 2007 6:03 pm
Yes, I know it’s ridiculous. This time it’s my fault. Yesterday I was carrying too much: cell phone, coin purse, book, iPod and of all the things that could have slipped, guess which one did. Yeah. When I first checked it out, everything seemed to be in working order. But this morning when I tried to watch an episode of The Office, it wouldn’t play. The thumbnails for all the pictures weren’t showing up, just weird psychedelic pixelation. And it wouldn’t even show the album artwork. So. Again I went to Best Buy and the girl at the register looked at all the receipts and said, "you have hecka". Well put. I hope the iGod has finally decided to take pity on me and make this the last (ridiculously short lived) exchange ever.
inspirationsOctober 3, 2007 5:52 pm
I feel the echo of every heartbeat
Each breath growing deeper
As thoughts collide, they are banished
Stress falls away
Problems have no place here
Unreality takes over
I dream of you