<ramble> In one of my Childhood Development classes we’re talking about what makes us who we are. Is it genes or environment, the controversial issue of nature vs. nurture. How is it that two individuals, raised in the same environment turn out so differently? Or how is it that two people raised in completely opposite environments turn out the same? How much is determined by genes and how much is determined by the individual’s nature? If one slight circumstance had been altered, how different would I be? What is it that makes me who I am?
How and why am I me? I’m more than just an organized bag of bones, muscles, veins, cells and other messy biology. I am more than just the face you see or the voice you hear. I am composed of thoughts, ideas, dreams, beliefs, weaknesses. I am the people who love me. And those who loathe me. How do you describe a person and all their intricacies in just a small paragraph? <rhetorical>Perhaps that is why life is such a challenge</rhetorical>; there is no way to pin down who an individual is, no way to encapsulate in just one sentence the essence of them.
Add to the difficultly of trying to understand who someone is the fact that you can’t even see all of them. Every person has so many facets of them self, and some of those facets are seen by no one. Who is the person inside, really? What are they hiding underneath the mask they present to the world? I remember writing a poem in grade school about the masks we wear, asking these same questions. Still thinking about such things it seems. I’ve tried to be honest with who I am. Obviously I’m not going to go blurting my deep, dark secrets to anyone and everyone; I try to be honest about my character, I’ve tried to show a side of me that does really exist, not a fake set of morals and beliefs that I don’t really hold dear to myself. But yesterday shook my world in a new way and I feel as though the scales have fallen from my eyes. I’ve begun to question with new understanding and enthusiasm how honest people really are. Are there ulterior motives driving a person to act the way they do? Who are they, really? It again comes back to that.
Along this same kind of vein of who a person is, the beliefs they hold are an important component to discovering who they are. Lately I’ve been encouraged to question my beliefs. And I’ve done so with gusto. I’m tired of taking what people tell me at face value and simply following their beliefs like a sheep. My family and several people at our church have started to think about those questions more seriously and have even started discussing some of them. It’s encouraging to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with doubt and confusion. I love knowing that my questions and thoughts won’t be shot down because they might not fit in with the "mainstream" faith. Though this time of growth is confusing and frustrating, I can see it as such, a time where I’m solidifying my own beliefs, truly making them my own. I appreciate the struggle that it’s been because once I’ve made it out, I’ll see how far I’ve come and be able to say that I’m stronger because of it. </ramble>
