In about an hour I will begin my final final (I’ve always loved saying that…I’m such a nerd). I cannot believe that after four years of being in the community college system (starting in high school my sophomore year) I am finally leaving. Admittedly there have been some really good memories; I met a lot of interesting people and had many wonderful teachers, but I’m ready to move on. It looks like I know where I’ll be living next semester and I’m really excited. After getting a taste of independence in Japan, it was tough moving back in with my parents. I love being near my family but I feel like such a freeloader and I’m looking forward to living on my own again. Life never ceases to be interesting.
Wednesday afternoon a friend and I drove up to visit Jason and his roommate. We had been instructed by Jason to bring dresses because we were going to dinner. Around 7 we all got dressed really quickly and were greeted in the parking lot by a white limo. Having never really been in a limo it was quite exciting for me (it also might have helped that our driver seemed determined to make our ride a bit like a roller coaster). After almost being dropped off at the wrong restaurant, we made it to the Calistoga Inn right in time for our reservation. Dinner was pleasant and we came back to the apartment in good spirits. Honestly the whole night I kept thinking, "What a nice date" and nothing else. I had no idea what was in store for me.
After changing back into "normal" clothes, we all sat in the living room for a bit just chatting it up. When Jason and I were alone and I wasn’t looking, he slipped the ring on my finger and asked that monumental question. And of course you know what I said.
Though a quiet moment that came so unexpectedly (because I’m oblivious) it has made me so unbelievably, deliriously happy. Thank you to all that have congratulated and shared your love with us. I’m so blessed to have you in my life.

The church I work at owns a community center across a pretty wide valley and both are connected by a long bridge. Today as I was crossing it I imagined what it would be like if we didn’t have the bridge. It would be quite a walk to go from the community center to the church, including a serious incline that would have most people huffing by the time they reached the church. I couldn’t help but think of all the diagrams I’ve seen that have compared Jesus to a bridge, with the cross spanning the distance between "Us" and "God". How amazing is it that Jesus was willing and able to connect us directly to God? How wonderful is it that we don’t have to prove ourselves worthy to earn His love? How incredible is our Lord that He would sacrifice so much to spend eternity with ones so flawed?
It struck me the other day how much I’m going to miss when I move out. Micah was in his room down the hall, just jamming on his guitar and my windows were open, a nice breeze flowing over me. I was at peace and enjoying life, enjoying a rare moment in time when all is right with the world. The simplicity of my joy was refreshing and I took a deep breath and prayed that it wouldn’t be forgotten. The moment was tainted with sadness when I realized that these specific pieces of my life that bring me such pleasure will soon be gone. Of course, they will be traded in for different aspects that will probably give me as much joy if not more. But I will definitely miss this life too.
Today two of the first graders were talking to a counselor and I overheard an interesting statement made by one of the first graders. This is what she said:
"It’s a girl’s world, boys are just walking in it."
I love our kids.
It has begun.
I have two weeks until my final final which marks the end of my community college career. I cannot tell you how excited that makes me. All I have to do is make it through these two weeks which shouldn’t be too hard. Yippee!
(Also, I’ll be turning 21 in 3 months *happy dances*)
Whatever your personal take on Mother’s Day, it’s a great reminder to honor the women in your life who have had a profound impact on you. True, our love and appreciation to those women should be expressed everyday, but this is a good time to truly focus on doing just that. So, to all the moms and mom-figures out there: thank you and know that even if it’s only explicitly expressed one day a year, you are loved and appreciated.
Tonight at practice I suddenly felt weighed down by depression. Allowing my mind to wonder down a destructive path for a bit I mentally told myself to stop before it got any worse. Forcing myself to quit focusing all my attention on my inner thoughts, I instead focused on the words we were singing and found myself feeling lighter as the depression lifted. It made me realized (not for the first time) how amazing and wonderful it is that I have God in my life. I don’t even want to imagine what my life would be like if my faith weren’t such an integral part of who I am. Tonight when we sang "Breathe" these words were sung with everything I had in me:
And I, I’m desperate for You
And I, I’m lost without You
It’s almost midnight and I’m feeling really tired but jittery. I have a compulsive need to do something besides sleep; I’ve been obsessively checking up and refreshing my e-mail, facebook and other sites I normally visit at least a million times a day. There are so many other things I could be doing (aside from sleeping), like writing the two papers that are due in a week and a half, or any of the little weekly assignments due in Math or Psychology. Finals are at the end of the month and I’m so excited about the end of community college forever. It’s been nice being home, spending next to nothing on school and living expenses. But I’m really looking forward to getting out into the "real world", going off to "real school", fending for myself and getting away from everything that’s familiar to me. It’s exciting and enough to keep me up for many nights. For now though, I should focus on getting through the rest of the semester and sleeping as much as I can. Oyasuminasi.
Welcome to existence
Everyone’s here
Everyone’s here
Everybody’s watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before
