Journeys

It was terrible. srsly.

Last night I went to check on a grade for a paper I turned in last week.  It said I had 27%.  Um, what?!  I have never even gotten close to getting such a terrible grade on anything, even in math.  I think of myself as a good student, I work hard and do well.  Plus, I’m an achiever, doing well is what I thrive on, what I do.  Failure is not an option.  So I cried as Jason kissed my face and told me it was probably a mistake.  Yeah, ok.  And the thoughts kept coming: was it because I had uploaded it a few hours after 5 pm?  Was the analysis really that awful?  What had I done wrong?

So then.

I talked to my teacher today.  She told me not to freak out before she had a chance to check it.  Perhaps she had entered the grade incorrectly.  No one got a 27% she told me.  So I calmed down and waited.  She emailed me later today to tell me that I got 27 out of 30 points.  The gradebook said it was worth 100 points.  So I got 90%.  Ka-chow.

So far this semester has been challenging, not just academically but also emotionally.  In several of my classes we’ve been tackling the issues of poverty and racism.  Obviously these are not new to me, but the way we have been talking about them, the context in which they are being presented, it has lit a fire in me.  I have always had a passion for caring for people, a desire to help those in need and fight for those who can’t fight for themselves.  I was really not excited about coming back to school this semester but I believe that God has been speaking to me everyday.  I believe I’m supposed to do something about these tragic issues that we’ve been discussing in class and I want to do something about the statistics we’ve been looking at.  My prayer is that this passion doesn’t fade, that God gives me clear direction and focus so that I can do my part to change the world.

I want to live with passion.

Life has been, in a word, great.  I’ve been so obviously blessed by God and I’m daily in awe of His clear and real presence in my life.  I’ve fallen so in Love with Him these last few months and I’m so excited to see what He’s going to do in the future.  While I’m feeling all this, I want to make sure and be real, to be genuine and not project someone I’m not.  I hope that my life reflects the core of who I am and that He is evident in my actions and words. 

Before this I was living in a very desolate place, feeling distant from Him and disconnected from who I was and wanted to be.  It’s amazing to feel this change, even if it wasn’t apparent from the outside.  I’ve felt immense peace and confidence in who I am even though the future isn’t completely clear.  I’m learning to Trust and have Faith outside of my own ability.  Even though I know that God is bigger than this little universe I inhabit, it was difficult for me to let go and allow Him to have control.  I’m finding that it’s been easier and I know that has had a hand in this Joy I am feeling.

I’m getting married in a little over a month and I’m so ready.  Through our conversations and the journey Jason and I have shared over the almost 6 years we’ve known each other, I know that he is The One for me and I’m so excited for us to become One.  Our story is wonderfully beautiful in its tragedies and its joys and I cannot wait to see what memories we’ll build on this foundation.

I’ve been home for about 3 weeks and I’ve gotten a lot done (at least in my mind).  The first week I was literally sewing the whole week, both for my dad’s work where I got paid, and then more personal work.  I was able to add more lining to my wedding dress, find flowers for myself and the bridesmaids, Mom got her dress, shoes and purse for the Big Day, I started making center pieces and we’ve planned and discussed different ideas for the decorations for the ceremony and reception.  I even know when my shower’s going to be.  Yesterday I started and finished a project that doesn’t have to do with the wedding but does have to do with moving in with my husband (eep!).  I sanded, primed and spray painted my old bureau.  I ended up with blue powder all over myself and paint on my hands and under my fingernails. The whole project took about 7 hours but it was totally worth it.

Before:

During:

After:

I’m pretty proud of how it turned out.

One year ago today I became a fiancée.  Yesterday we went to go get our marriage license.  It’s hard to believe that in less than three months I will be a married woman!

I have officially finished my Junior year of college.  I’m feelin’ good.

I feel bad that I haven’t be writing here much.  School’s kept me busy which isn’t entirely a bad thing, it means that the weeks go by that much faster.  I’ve not been getting the amount of sleep I should but soon, soon I will have an abundance of time.  Also, wedding planning is going really well and I’m so excited about being a Mrs.  Jason and I went to a weekend marriage conference that was totally amazing.  We’ll definitely be going to more as the years go by.

Life’s good.  Really good.

As you can probably guess, I’ve been really tired lately. The semester is now more than halfway over and I couldn’t be more thrilled.  On the other hand, that means deadlines are looming closer and closer which creates a spike in stress levels.  Ugh, I really don’t like homework.  The classes are enjoyable enough but it’s the stuff that I have to lug back home with me that is such a drag.  I’m really looking forward to summer break when I’ll get to wake up at 6am every weekday. . . hey, wait a sec!  At least I won’t have homework hovering over my head all the time.

In other news, wedding planning is kinda taking a break but we’ve got most of the major stuff taken care of which is a huge relief.  We’ll see if August 8th works out.  Here’s hoping. . .

Days need to be longer.  School needs to take less time.  Both of those, really.

Holy cow.  I can’t believe it’s already 2009.  Happy New Year to you all!  I feel like both Christmas and New Years just kinda pounced on me; I was so busy and occupied with other things that I didn’t have the energy to get into the "Holiday Spirit".  But I still enjoyed Christmas immensely and I’m excited to see what this new year brings.  As far as I know this is the year Jason and I will finally become man and wife, if all goes according to some plan.  Things are still up in the air so we’re not sure if it’ll happen in May or August.  Hopefully one of those.  And today I’m going with coworkers to see "The Phantom of the Opera" in the city!  A good start to the new year I have to say.

This Christmas was beautiful.  I was able to spend time with my grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins.  My dad and his four other brothers and sisters gathered around my petite grandma for a group shot.  Seeing the way they dote on her, support her and give her their love and devotion is a humbling and touching thing.  Next year she will be 90 years old and I believe that the love that surrounds her has been a huge part of why she has made it this far and looks so much younger.  At that moment a feeling of boundless gratitude filled me to be part of such a loving family.  I am so blessed that I have such caring souls who have showed me what it is to really love. 

Later my dad showed me a slide show he was making for my mom’s dad who is also turning 90 next year.  The slide show went through my grandpa’s life and showed my mom from toddler to mother and it was another moment where my heart was in my throat and I was deeply filled with love for my family.  I’ve been struck again and again during this Christmas break how important family is.  I’ve always known my family is such an integral part of who I am but I have a greater appreciation for them now.  I pray that with the closing of this year and the bringing of the next, I would hold onto that thought.

Though it doesn’t feel like it’s already here, Merry Christmas to all!

As a United States citizen it is a privilege for me to vote.  This is my first presidential election and I’m proud to say that I took part in it.  So many emotions and opinions have been posted all over the internet about and on this day.  I’m not here to push a particular candidate or agenda on you but I urge you, if you are registered and informed on the issues, go vote.  It’s a privilege, not a right, one that you should be proud to participate in.

It’s actually been decided upon for about a month now.  But anyway, Jason and I have kind of picked a date for the Big Day: May 30th.  It’s a Saturday, two weeks after I’m done with finals and two days before the lease is up on my house.  I really like the month of May and it seemed like a good number.  We had originally been talking about waiting until I’m finished with school…but if we did that then I would have to figure out another place to live until we’re married and this just seems like an easier thing to do.  Plus, I’m kind of not liking the idea of waiting a whole year and a half and thus having a two year engagement.  No thanks.  I’ve been coming up with ideas left and right about where I want it, wedding attire, etc, etc, etc.  Needless to say I’m very excited and stressed.  I have no idea what all goes into wedding planning but I’m finding out.  I could be married in 8 months!  AHH!!

My life has been moving like crazy.  Last Monday Jason decided to come up and visit me.  We hadn’t seen each other for five weeks and I was really missing him.  It was totally an impulsive thing, the decision to come up was made the night before.  He made it in time to take me to my only class of the day.  We came back to the house and decided to check e-mail and things of that nature.  Randomly I decided to check craigslist for any new postings on housing.  Jason is moving up here within the month and we had found some promising leads but nothing solid. 

I saw one posting that had been made less than an hour ago and thoughtlessly clicked on it.  Instead of the normal "contact by e-mail" a phone number and name was listed.  Jason called it and was told to call back in a few minutes as the landlord (Mike) had just pulled up.  He waited a few minutes and called back, spoke to Mike and was told it would be okay for us to come see the place right now.  We looked at each other in shock and hopped into the car.  And it was wonderful.  It’s a mile away from my house, utilities are paid for and Mike (also one of his roommates) is a sweet 70-something-year-old man.  We were shown the two-room, already furnished, loft and all the storage areas.  Jason was given an application to fill out and we were told to return in a few hours to go over more paperwork and hand in the completed application.  We left feeling optimistic and thankful.

A few hours later we returned to the house and Mike went over what would happen should Jason get picked.  Mike had already interviewed a bunch of other people but he said that Jason was in the top two.  We would be told by Wednesday whom Mike had picked.  We left feeling giddy and hopeful.

Tuesday Jason got a call from Mike.  Not even a full 24 hours after we met with him, he had made his decision.  Jason got it.  We rejoiced.  Wednesday after my class we went to the house to sign papers and pay the deposit and first month’s rent.  Praise God.  He will be moving up here in less than two weeks!

Thursday after my last class we went to the beach.  Walking back to the parking lot I realized I had locked the keys in the car.  We didn’t panic but were a little worried as to what we should do.  Jason didn’t have a spare key and my cell phone (with all the numbers of people who live up here) was in the trunk.  We looked at what we had to work with and tried picking the locks with safety pins.  That didn’t work so well so I went and asked the caretaker (of sorts) if he had a hanger we could use.  He was inebriated and jokingly commented that we needed to find a car thief.  I laughingly agreed with him and returned to Jason with the unbent hanger.  We attempted to slide the hanger between the window and its seal to no avail.  In the process of trying to pick the locks with the safety pins, we got them jammed into the driver and passenger door locks.  Oops. 

Not five minutes after the "car thief" comment, a man parked his car next to ours.  After exiting his vehicle he asked if we had locked our keys in the car and if we wanted his help.  He said he knew how to break into cars, not because he was a "car thief" but because he had broken into his own car, and his friend’s cars, many times.  The irony did not escape me.  After pulling some tools out of his car and prying the door open a bit, he was able to thread the hanger down into the car and pull the lock up.  We were of course ecstatic and thanked the man profusely (though I still feel very indebted to him).  It’s amazing how God gets us out of our messes.  You might think all of this a great coincidence, a string of unrelated events that just happened to coincide.  I like to see this as my Heavenly Father’s way of showing that He cares and is watching out for me.  And I believe more than ever that He has a sense of humor.

This Sunday I went to morning service and was blessed by a family-led worship.  The daughter played the drums and sang, the father played bass, the mother was on the keyboard and sang, and the two sons played guitar while one of them was the lead singer.  I got goosebumps listening to their unified praise.  I have goosebumps just thinking about it.  I could feel the Spirit moving amongst us as we lifted our voices in praise and I have no doubt that God was in that place. 

Sunday night I finally made it to a 6 o’clock service my friend had told me about.  I’m so thankful I went.  The crowd was predominantly college age and it was a rockin’ service.  The message was meaningful and deep, the singing was awe-filled and the whole service just felt alive.  I was able to connect with and meet new people, I talked to some I already knew and overall was just so encouraged.  I will definitely be returning.  God has been filling me up so much and I get goosebumps just thinking about it.